Palestinian graduate of a Mennonite peace program speaks about the emotional improbability of pacifism

Dear Lisa,Thank you! Thank you for being the only CTP professorwho responded to us. Others might have been discussingthe ‘issue’ inside classes behind closed doors aroundcircles, but you brought it out… you talked to us,those who are far away from lovely Harrisonburg, andthe closed doors of CTP!I agree with lots of things in your e-mail, and maynot agree with some.. but what I appreciate it thatyou have heard us, and communicated back!!! is notthis the basic theory of peace-- to communicate...where are the others?!! they could have at least saidsomething!!! why are they so silent?!!! where aretheir voices that calls for peace and justice... arethey out of words?!! I really love them, but alsoneeded to hear from them at such hard moments..Thank you for thinking of us when you were in the armywar college… thank you for linking this army to us; uswho are thousands of miles away, and yet directlyaffected than anybody else.Lisa, I have always struggled, when was at CTP, withtheory vs. practice. I realize, and respect, that manyof you, CTP professors, have actually lived in warareas, and saw the pain and the terror that localsface… but dear, it is TOTALLY different from being oneof the locals who live and feel the pain and terror.You always had your embassy and your government savingno effort to get you out of war zones, like whathappened in Lebanon recently. And this is somethinggood.. it’s always good to know that your governmentis there for you to save you… But then again, is notit the same government that is creating all that mess?I have also struggled with the fact that some CTPprofessors are trying to convince us that we canisolate some of our natural feelings… by making suchfeelings look like sin… if you get angry, it’s a sin,if you feel hatred, it’s a sin… I am humanbeing… I am
Ron… I have my whole feeling system fully functioning,and I am not ashamed of saying it… if somebody slapsme on the face, I will break his arm!How does the world expect me to be living under themost sever injustice situations, and think ‘logically’or ‘peacefully’ or ‘rationally’ of how to react! Tryto be stuck for a whole week at a border, in themiddle of nowhere, without being allowed in to Gaza orback to Cairo… imagine this: July, desert, temperatureis over 35, and you are sitting literally in themiddle of no where, no water, no toilets, no shadow…your only companion is the sun the heat, and hundredsof your people of all ages… I will not tell you what Ithought then, I will ask you: what rational thinkingcould I have then?!!I was dehumanized, Lisa, so do not expect me to thinkas a human!!! We are treated like shit (I hope CTPcomputer system will not take this word out…)… Theyare killing all human elements in us, so do notimagine us to react humanly… Do you think I then wasable to think rationally of anything I learnt in CTP,or in life for that matter?!!I fully hear you, Lisa, more grieving mothers will notchange any thing… but in real-politik, things are notmeasured but by this: what we call creating thebalance of terror!!! You hit me, I hit you back…harder, so that you will think twice before attackingme again!!! Like it or not, but this is the case… andit is not just here Lisa, it is everywhere… the US didit after 9/11… it hit and terrified the whole worldback…I am writing now and the sounds of bombs have notstopped since yesterday… I did not have one minutesleep last night.. I felt the sounds of bombs wasgetting closer and closer to me… God, where they getall this money to bomb us with?!!! (you know theanswer for that one I am sure… it is all your taxmoney).Have you ever read for franz fanon, che, Malcolm X? Ifnot, please do… they will explain to you a lot of whatis in my mind those days!!All my respect to you, and to all who struggle forrealityRania, a collateral survival in Gaza",1]
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no angle, no prophet, no goddess, and certainly noRon… I have my whole feeling system fully functioning,and I am not ashamed of saying it… if somebody slapsme on the face, I will break his arm!How does the world expect me to be living under themost sever injustice situations, and think ‘logically’or ‘peacefully’ or ‘rationally’ of how to react! Tryto be stuck for a whole week at a border, in themiddle of nowhere, without being allowed in to Gaza orback to Cairo… imagine this: July, desert, temperatureis over 35, and you are sitting literally in themiddle of no where, no water, no toilets, no shadow…your only companion is the sun the heat, and hundredsof your people of all ages… I will not tell you what Ithought then, I will ask you: what rational thinkingcould I have then?!!I was dehumanized, Lisa, so do not expect me to thinkas a human!!! We are treated like shit (I hope CTPcomputer system will not take this word out…)… Theyare killing all human elements in us, so do notimagine us to react humanly… Do you think I then wasable to think rationally of anything I learnt in CTP,or in life for that matter?!!I fully hear you, Lisa, more grieving mothers will notchange any thing… but in real-politik, things are notmeasured but by this: what we call creating thebalance of terror!!! You hit me, I hit you back…harder, so that you will think twice before attackingme again!!! Like it or not, but this is the case… andit is not just here Lisa, it is everywhere… the US didit after 9/11… it hit and terrified the whole worldback…I am writing now and the sounds of bombs have notstopped since yesterday… I did not have one minutesleep last night.. I felt the sounds of bombs wasgetting closer and closer to me… God, where they getall this money to bomb us with?!!! (you know theanswer for that one I am sure… it is all your taxmoney).Have you ever read for franz fanon, che, Malcolm X? Ifnot, please do… they will explain to you a lot of whatis in my mind those days!!All my respect to you, and to all who struggle forrealityRania, a collateral survival in Gaza